he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
