I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
