I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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