I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
