if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
