I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
