The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
