I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
