dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
