Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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