Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
