We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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