So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
