whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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