you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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