I need help removing her.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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