I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
