I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Randomize
