You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
