Im at strip club and am horny
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
