I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
