We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
