Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
