I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
