So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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