Someone shit on the floor
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
