Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
