90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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