the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
