Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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