Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
