He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
