you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
