We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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