Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
no you cant smoke seaweed
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
