He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
