dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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