Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
