I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
