You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
