They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I currently don't understand fingers.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
