you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
