Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
