If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
