careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
