i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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