this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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