White coat. Heels.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
we're so committed to being not committed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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