After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
