D3 body, D1 cock
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
