maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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